As much as I want to get to the point quickly for all of you, I feel that a little story time is in order to get you on the same page as I. This is basically chronicling my life from when I was a young kid to now and how I went from eating crap to eating less crap, plus all of the things I tried along the way. This story isn’t here to tell you how to eat, however you will likely see things in a different perspective.

When I was young I remember the foods that were a staple of my every day diet. My breakfast was as simple and American as you could get; a bowl of cereal with two percent udder juice. The list of cereals I used to eat most often were, Corn Pops, Frosted Mini Wheats, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Lucky Charms and Honey Nut Cheerios. They tasted great and made me feel great when I ate them. These cereals were toted as “a great way to start a kids day, whole grains are the food we should be eating most often” well that sentiment is a bunch of BS. I used the food pyramid to guide my trail of nutrition and I suffered.

For lunch I would have whatever the school was providing. Back then it was; a burger and fries, pizza or nuggets served with either juice or chocolate milk, you COULD get regular milk but that was for nerds. I know now that I was a chubby little bullseye for giant corporations wanting to sell me their terrible wares. It still happens today but the snacks I remember as a kid were notorious. “Have a ding dong or a twinkie, what about Teddy Grahams or Goldfish?” just a bunch of nutritionally void sources of calories that spark the pleasure center of the brain, its just alcohol for kids. Well, maybe not alcohol, its more like cocaine, no really look it up.

And lets stop for one second, Hostess named its cakes all wrong, Twinkies should’t be called Twinkies, they should be called Ding Dongs because that’s what they look like, everyone knows and nobody says anything. Ding Dongs should be called Tasty Pucks and Ho Hos should be called Chocolate Covered Mistakes.

My beverages outside of school or when I rarely brought my lunch to class happened would be something like a Capri Sun or Hi-C, which I guess looking back the C must have stood for corn syrup. At home I was allowed one soda a day if we had them, I was encouraged by my dad to drink diet soda but we were constantly told the dangers at school about how terrible those things were for you, have Sunny Delight or an OJ instead you would hear other kids and teachers repeat. Even with the minuscule amount of vitamins they drop into those things ; apple juice, orange juice and Sunny D are basically just sugar water. Remember the giant cockroach disguised as a farmer from Men in Black? That’s how I feel when I drink them, “Put Sugar in water, “MOAR!”

After school we got to have the previously mentioned “snacks of the void”. You see, another thing was being constantly put into our heads, humans shouldn’t just be eating three times a day, you need snacks in between to keep you metabolism going. They told us our metablolisms would slow down and we were more likely to gain weight if that happened. We weren’t taught a lot on how the human body processes things nor how to apply basic principles to our everyday routines. What we did have was “the pyramid.” Kids are influential when it comes to food, their tastes could dictate what a family would keep in their pantry and we were no different.

For dinner it would be the standard “watch TV and eat dinner”, sometimes good sometimes bad. Lasagna and spaghetti were things we had from time to time, and again back then, eating stuff like that was highly encouraged by “the pyramid.” We would occasionally have steak and potatoes, chicken and potatoes or pork chops and potatoes. I ate a crapload of potatoes. In fact, since you are what you eat, I literally was a couch potato. Sometimes we had dolmathas or stroganoff, both of which relied on red meat and rice as the two main sources of our macros which looking back were probably the healthiest dishes I can think of. I make “updated” versions of almost all of these dishes now and I enjoy them more with my vegetable and meat modifications than I ever did when they had tons of starches and processed grains.

And you can’t have dinner without dessert! So we would have Popsicles or ice cream on top of everything else we ate. It was standard and almost all households did it then and still do it now. And since profitability is more important than a person’s well being, if you go to a restaurant and the server doesn’t suggest a dessert they would probably get fired and replaced before your drink got refilled. Again desserts are a thing I can enjoy on occasion but they are highly modified as well.

This is just a little information about how I was when I was a kid, if you had a similar. Its hard because if you looked at this you could say the people who surrounded me were the problem with how we all ate, but that is definitely NOT the case. All of the people around you are just trying to exist the same way you do. Blaming them for whatever dietary missteps you think are happening is incorrect. Profitabilty is valued more than well being. People are targeted, people are victims, people are patients. Don’t blame the victim, don’t blame the patient. People want help and people need help. I am doing the best I can to give you what I know.

Thanks for Reading

-Schwartz